but when people make decisions, it's about them, not you. when i made the decision to stay away, my aim was not to blame him or make him feel bad. it's just my conscious effort to pursue a less troubled life, and stop adding trouble to other ppl's lives. having 1 choice is better than having 2 right.
it's not that i dont want to try. i did try, you know? last 2 weeks i went to watch sleague even though i had an unfinished assignment due the next day, went out with him on a normal date for the first time in months, went to his place to study together. but to him, it's never enough. and to me, i dont even get any sign frm him that he's happy that we're spending time tgt- serious disincentives for me to continue. he just looks gloomy and even feels guilty towards the other girl. maybe i expected too much so i feel greater disappointment. i expected a happy 5th anniversary that's sweet and happy. but at the end of it, i dont even
get a promise or resolution. i feel so dumb sometimes. but what to do, i'm just a silly girl.
so he expects me to try harder. but i dont know whether he's doing anything to solve this problem other than emoing. his crazy antics like walking to my house at 2am may seem like he is putting in ALOT of effort. but that doesnt translate into something concrete. at the end of the day, he may not even want me! talk about feeling like a toy huh. at least the opposition parties have a clear direction of where they are headed
in the future, even if they dont have real plans at this point in time. their grand ambitions are supported by their beliefs.
call me selfish or proud or insensitive, but i dont feel like i've done alot of wrongs to him such that i need to make it up to him by going out of my way to please him and make him happy. if the other girl really liked him so much and they have such strong feelings for each other, then she can jolly well spend more effort in making him forget me instead of me trying to make him forget the other girl. well she should have such expectations when she started out. as a matter of fact, i did not have expectations of fighting with someone else over my guy when i agreed to be his girlfriend.
i read about void voting in papers these days. they say that void votes are cast when ppl find themselves (a) supporting both parties, (b) hating both parties, or (c) liking one party more but dislike 1/2 candidates in that party. if you feel unsure of who to vote for, you can jolly well cast a void vote. a void vote is an important choice too. it speaks of your decision to choose neither.
and in my case, having one party in my life doesnt necessarily translate to a walkover. i still think a decision has to be made: whether (a) i support the party, or (b) i dont.